Friday’s Miracle…

I’ve debated on how to migrate my Facebook notes over to the public sector. Do I do them in order? Should I just bomb tallrayofsunshine with all of them and make it look like I’m a more established blogger? Do I include those from before I became an Orthodox Christian or even a catechumen?

In the theme of anything introductory to this site: I will just do as I do, and figure out the answer when I’m done.

The following post was originally published as my first Facebook note on Friday, September 7, 2007; as with the last post, only a few grammatic or text edits have been applied. At the time, I was teaching 6-8 Grade General and Choral Music near Wichita, Kansas. I was going into my 4th year of teaching a little apprehensive because I knew it was to be my last year of teaching public school even though I hadn’t told anyone at the time. In an effort to discover more of what I wanted to do and have a performing outlet, I responded to an audition call for chorus members in the Wichita Grand Opera.

I was just beginning to wake up in the world.


This is the headshot I used for my opera audition. I'm not big on the hand, but since I felt aweful I wanted to show them my softer and happier side.

I’ve always had a love of opera. It fits my type of voice, if you never noticed the loud booming quality. I feel free and delightful when I sing. Even if you can’t understand the words coming out of my mouth, you have to know that the words are full of emotion and the underlying music is aiding that expression.

I taught a grueling schedule this entire week. Four days of near vocal abuse~ singing and talking over off-pitch 6th graders; stopping them to fix major and minor details; yelling names down the hall to stop running and making fun of the mega-drama of middle schoolers. My voice was tired, it sounded hoarse and in need of some TLC – aka complete vocal rest. However, I need to sing an aria in 2 hours. I have no clue how demanding or serious the producers will be. It’s the first time since high school that I desperately wanted to be in a performance of this caliber. In a way, I do fear the rejection. I sip my tea [chammomile and lemon with a bit of honey], check in, give the attendent my headshot, and review my Italian. Afterall, I haven’t sung this song in over 5 years. I am called back to the warm-up rooms, try some sirens…nothing. I think, “Maybe the tea was too hot…I’ll drink some water.” chug, chug…nothing. So I sit, rest my voice and stew. “Do I withdraw from the audition? Is this God’s way of telling me to wait? Will it be a complete waste of the producers’ and my time if I go through with this? I DON’T WANT TO BE A PANSY SINGER AND BACK OUT BECAUSE MY VOICE IS SOUNDING ROUGH!!!!” I talk with the door monitors; I don’t know…will I even have a chance to be in the chorus, will they be understanding. They convince me to continue, but explain my plight before singing.

15 minutes of silence. I almost cry, the lump in my throat is growing. I finish the tea. I want this so badly. “Lord, if this is how you are going to tell me ‘not now’ so be it. If this is to be, I’ll need a miracle.”

I’m called to the door, told my instructions…white X, picture, music, red X, introduce, explain, sing. The two producers appreciate my explanation…they apparently understand my singing plight. The piano starts its lilting introduction. Voice fuzzy, but not cracking. The more the song builds, the clearer and firmer my sound gets. I bobble a few words but go on. I get to the cadenza finish…it’s clear! I am able to sing the high range clearly! My voice didn’t crack! They have no clue what I was talking about with my voice being 70%. I’m told right away, “You have a lovely voice and we would love to have you join us.” I proclaim a thank you and words of appreciation, inside I’m fainting.

I walk out of the hall. Have a few conversations with the ladies that were so helpful and encouraging. Get to my car. Cry in Joy. God wants me doing this experiment.

Opera excites me. Jesus is way too good to me. He wants me to do something I’m made for…I think that’s the most exciting and thrilling part. I am created to sing, to be part of expressed beauty. I don’t think God allowed me to be successful because being in the opera was important to me. I think God gave the miracle because he saw that opera was a means of me becoming a part of HIS GLORY.


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  1. Trackback: From Teaching to Nursing | tallrayofsunshine


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