Life in the desert…


Posted to Facebook on Wednesday, January 30, 2008.

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About 1 month ago, I was excited. I had quit a job that was sucking the life out of me, I was in Cleveland having a blast; it was a new year that had many promises and I knew that I was following God’s plan. Yet on my way to the Cleveland airport a few days later, I wasn’t so happy. Granted, it was 5 AM and I did not want to leave the company of The Opera Boy. No, I had an impending sense of doom that morning. Or as I told Opera Boy, “The reality of my decisions are going to be lived out. I’m on the edge of the desert.”

I’m not saying that I deserve “spiritual mogul” status. Moses, Jesus, Paul, Elijah; all these biblical examples and thousands more throughout history have been lead by God to a place of physical dryness (I guess in Paul’s case it was prison rather than a desert…anyway). These people had to know that strength comes from God alone. Their comfort was secondary to the work God was doing in their heart. The solidarity doesn’t become painful, rather a comfort that you are only in God’s presence. He might not even communicate anything, just that He is present and loves you.

Sadly, I have distractions: cats, internet, applications, class, voice lessons, unpacking, lists, etc. Why is it so hard to shove those aside for 30-45 minutes a day? What about time with God is so hard? Truthfully, I’m afraid of what God will do or want me to hear. It is so much easier to read a happy passage in the bible, pray a happy or please help me prayer, and NOT CHANGE anything. I don’t want to know the ugly parts of me. I don’t want God to show me His ideas; they generally cause me emotional strife for a week! Yet, I want change, which means that I DO want to know the ugly parts of me so they may be forgiven. I DO want God to reveal to me his plans, otherwise I’m in for more junk and an empty heart. So, what I fear the most is what I need the most.

The desert isn’t fun, but necessary. It’s where I’m growing, learning, and molded. God has blessed me in this place and shown me love that I never thought would be mine. Pray for me; it’s going to be a long road.

Beautifully dry, I’d say.

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  1. Trackback: From Teaching to Nursing | tallrayofsunshine

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