Bathroom Mirrors and Answered Prayers


The simple-minded and simple-music band that makes me laugh and think.

Facebook original on Wednesday, April 9, 2008.

I’m a former CCM junkie.

==============================================================

“For The Moments I Feel Faint”
Relient K 

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You’re telling me that there’s no hope.
I’m telling you you’re wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
“Oh, the impossibilities”
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I’m searching for the confidence I’ve lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can’t, I think I can’t
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands
———————————————–
March is said to be the month of the Lion and the Lamb. In like a Lion and out like a Lamb or vice versa. If we talk about my personal life, it was definitely the former. The disappointments and uncertainties of the first few weeks gave way to resolution and faith in the final days. It wasn’t a resolution on my part to “just think differently,” but a realization that God had answered prayers most definitely and in the best way.

This wasn’t a happy, “run through the field of wildflowers” realization, but one from the depths of despair [Thank you Anne of Green Gables]. I was tired of thinking that I was forgotten, unloved, and on my own; that God had somehow set me on this crazy path of discovery only to say, “Well, Laura, thanks for trusting me, but I’m just going to leave you alone now. See you when you figure this all out.”

But that isn’t my Jesus. That isn’t the God of the Bible. That’s my insecurity and unfaithfulness at its best.

Then I remembered back in January: Hierarchical liturgy. Bishop BASIL gave a homily focused on how we should be thankful rather than looking at what else God and life could give us. Sunday school last week was covering the beginning captivity of Joseph, and I only remember two points:
1] the LORD was with Joseph in everything he did
2] God’s delay is not God’s denial.

I was believing the lies of my circumstance. I didn’t want to believe them, but truth hadn’t become tangible enough for my human mind. My weapons of choice: bathroom mirror and a dry-erase marker. What I had prayed for and how God had answered would now be in front of me daily. The following is on my bathroom mirror in dark red.

I AM THANKFUL BECAUSE GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS:
– in showing me the exact time to leave Maize and teaching
– by providing for my daily needs in this time of transition
– in showing me a ropes & grad program that I never would have found on my own
– to wait for His best in my relationships
– to guide my next season of life beyond Wichita

Life took a turn for the better in the five minutes I wrote those words. It didn’t seem so hopeless and insecure. I wasn’t cured, I wasn’t all better, but I had remembered my foundation and security was in a good God. I wasn’t fighting on my own strength; I was reminded of my protector. I feel foolish for doubting, yet I like these instances when I’m reminded that I shouldn’t underestimate my Jesus.

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