When you have options within your options.

Originally posted on Facebook on Saturday, July 12, 2008 under the title “Three weeks remain…”

It’s been a while since my last update, and so much has occurred in those weeks. Thankfully, most of my major working conflicts have been resolved. The scheduling coordinator listened to several of my concerns, and thankfully, gave some help in finding solutions. One source of stress taken out…now, if I could only take care of the other 100, I’d be fine!

I’m still fighting the battle between the adventure and absolute fear of everything that is to come after camp. Some people greet my explanation with looks of excitement…they wait with me – patiently, hopeful, and a twinkle of eagerness in their eyes. Others look at me with questions – why? Wasn’t your other situation good enough? Are you sure it was God you heard? Still others respond with their stare – you’re irresponsible. You left friends, family, and a decent life for one of laziness.

As I fight this inner battle, I realize more about myself. First, I’m scared. I want to succeed, but I’m afraid of the hard times on the road to that success. I don’t know how to define my success either. Second, I think waaaayyyyy too much. I’m trying to analyze the next twenty years of my life. What path do I need to choose now so I don’t have to go through this agonizing wait again?

So, I’m scared. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure or that I’m not loved, nor am I left without a place to go. All it means is that I don’t know what is to come and choosing to anticipate the worst possible scenarios. What does my Creator say? “I know the plans I have for you…” [Jer. 33:3] “Let tomorrow worry about itself…” “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us…”

This is a time for me to act upon what I know. I came to this conclusion when I was walking back to the cabin last week. I knew the path was there and it would lead me to the correct place yet the extensive tree cover prevents the moonlight for nightlight assistance. I had to rely solely on what I remembered from the daylight, my ears and my feet. I was nervous about the few spots where I couldn’t see some hazards or the path switched directions quickly, but I wasn’t fearful on the outcome. I knew I would make it back to the cabin. There was nothing in those dark woods that would harm me or prevent me from reaching my destination. I was equipped with what I needed; it didn’t seem like much, but it was sufficient. Isn’t that what God promises? That His grace is sufficient? Nothing more, nothing less and it takes care of the most important and biggest problem. What is the bigger priority? That I know exactly why things are happening and how to stop the pain or that I ask for the covering of God’s grace and mercy for eternal peace?

“He has shown thee, O Man, what is good and what the LORD requires of thee. But to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.” Micah 6:8



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