A Further Exploration

I published this on Facebook, at some point, I don’t remember….and I don’t have the desire to look up when…

August 2008: I publish a rant on my lone and disastrous introduction to online dating. [See A 6 Hour Exploration in Online Dating]. I encourage you to read my previous note and the resulting commentary that follows before continuing with this note. I’m waiting…..okay, have you read it? Well, good! Continue on then.

I have a confession. I have since experienced approximately 4 ½ months in the online dating world. Most of you had no clue; I rather preferred it that way.

There are a two aspects of online dating that I believe are important to realize before one signs up. One, just as other products are investigated for quality, so should the dating service that one uses. Two, online dating is not the easy way for a relationship, at all. Advertising, media, and others’ personal accounts present online matching as easy. Online networking can be just as frustrating as meeting people through social functions, college classes and church singles groups. [Yes, I just wrote that. Move on.]

After the drama died down from the first note, I took time to process why stayed away from the cyber-dating world. If you would like those, feel free to ask, but I shall not expound them here. The result however was that I posted a profile and a few pictures. I received a few emails, sent a few, and tried to keep an open mind. Then a spree of guys emailing or “winking” at me who obviously didn’t read my well-constructed, albeit wordy, description. Like Atheist 50-year-olds. Or divorced 40-somethings with three children.

I evaluated my profile and realized I was telling people about me, but I didn’t tell them what I wanted. After making a few changes I was still getting contacted by wierdos…dang. Results of my recent online dating experience: 10 or so guys emailed, 2 were given my digits, 0 in-person meetings.

So now the part you all have been waiting for: what exactly did I see in my small corner of cyber-dating? Well….
Whenever I logged on to sift through the sand hoping to find a diamond, I always chose the ‘details’ view as I could get the age, location, by-line, and the first few sentences in the profile. The username is the first impression I got from most guys. I must admit, I was never drawn to anyone solely through their username, but I was definitely turned off by a few (i.e. the username that was “Don’t have a clue”). Most guys picked a combination of their favorite sport or college and some number or their initials. There are a lot of Colts fans in Indiana for some reason…

A headline or byline including a joke or favorite quote was nice to see. I would even go for a generic “hi.” Several profiles were rejected without me ever looking at their full info because of this vital piece of information. Instant deletes were those including “lonely,” “complete me,” “used heart for sale,” and “looking for a miracle.”

In the annoyingly overused but not an instant reject category: “looking for my best friend,” “looking for the special someone,” “chivalry is not dead,” and “ready to settle down.”

My personal favorites were:
“Good parallel parker.”
“If life gives you lemons, squeeze the crap out of them…it might make you feel better!”

Photos were generally helpful in making decisions i.e. if you report yourself as a Christian and post a picture where you are flipping off the camera…I’m not gonna believe you!

And now the profile. These are where I found out if there was potential or a seriously clueless individual. I read more than once in profiles “willing to lie about how we met.” Reading that did not attract me more to a guy.

Actual profile quotes of suggested matches or guys that contacted me:
“I am looking for a potential long-term relationship. I have been divorced twice and just cannot seem to find the right lady!”

“Lonely single redneck cowboy looking for someone to cuddle.”

“OK, ladies try to contain yourselves, I am a 35 year old LONELY broke ass recovering alcoholic loser. I am looking for someone who can overlook these relatively minor imperfections and help me become just a broke ass recovering alcoholic loser.” [I think this was NOT a serious posting based on the first sentence and what followed in the rest of his profile. It actually made me laugh, a lot.]

im a very chill type person that rarely gets upset or angry. tired of all the girls that come with some sort of extra baggage. just cant stand the drama queens anymore. they say that beautiful people tend to stick together, so i wont settle for anything less than a ten [this was from a guy that included “beer” in his username and “MUST BE HOT!!!!!” was his headline.]

The service I used also suggested possible matches by sifting through profiles and finding at least three things I had in common with males from my prescribed age range. Even if all the following were true about a guy, I wouldn’t take that as a guarantee of our everlasting love for each other.
• Like you, he’s a dog lover.
• Like you, he’s not a smoker.
• Like you, he’s a Protestant.
• You both enjoy basketball.
• Like you, he’s the youngest child.
• He’s also an early bird
• He shares the same birth month
• You both love playing sports
• You share culinary interests

About the third month of this experiment, I thought that a service marketing itself specifically to Christians might prove to be better, so I looked into one. Aside from getting a clearer picture on where the guy stands on religious and denominational issues, there wasn’t much improvement.

No wonder I love the Second Act of Into the Woods.

I am an online dating drop out. I guess God will have to introduce me to His best some other way unless something possesses me to sign on for another 3-6 months. But to those who have met or may meet their spouse online…congratulations. I’m glad it is successful for some.



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