Basking in the Sunshine

A few days ago, I described a snapshot of my life when facing depression.

Just so you know, there are times of hope as well. Glimpses of peace and calm that you can breathe and offer your thankfulness and gratefulness that there is another side of life.

I had one of those moments the other day. While my sleep the night before wasn’t completely wonderful, I did get a full night’s worth. Enough that I woke up on time, got to take a shower at leisure, and actually styled my damp hair instead of towel drying.  I said the Trisagion prayers before my icons (and trust me, that’s usually the first thing to go in the AM!)

I was ready in time to get a small breakfast and brew some hazelnut coffee. My car was packed for the day, and I headed to school. The quiz I was to take in class wasn’t a huge burden on my psyche. I mentally reviewed some information, and just enjoyed the beautiful morning drive with my perfect cup of coffee.

I felt good. Refreshed. Ready to take on the day’s challenges and oddities. It seemed that what I could worry about, I was merely choosing not to – which was okay. Because I was in control of what I could control (i.e. me), and since I can’t and won’t be able to control others, I decided to let them be the freak. It was a day of content. Not an emotional high or low. I could just be.

Life won’t always be this way. Nor does it mean that what I chose to not worry about two days ago won’t be a major stresser in the coming weeks. But I was thankful to see my life as it was, not as perfect or having arrived, but as progress made and potential for more.

I’m thankful that God gave me those few minutes. A reminder that He is still with me. He will never leave me. He loves me and wants me to love others. That He will heal me. And when you are prone to feeling alone and ignored and beyond repair, those five minutes of just being still and knowing that He is God can do more than reading page after page of Holy Scripture.



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