How “Break-ups” should go…


I’ve mentioned the past week or so that I’ve been chatting with a fellow. Well, yesterday a few days after date #2, he ended things. While, yes, I just recently ranted about texting as the non-preferred form of communication, we were still in the time frame where I found it acceptable for short messages (i.e. What’s your house number???) But we never held two-hour texting marathons where we expected each other to delve into the depths of our souls. Anyway, I had contacted him the day before to ask if we could get coffee after I was done teaching. And here’s what I was sent via Facebook.

TallRayofSunshine,

Sorry for not texting you back. The screen on my cell phone has been dead most of the last two days, disallowing me from checking texts or sending them, as well as obviating my phonebook.

(It just now came on, for a brief moment, allowing me to see that you’d texted.)

I’ve very much enjoyed the two dates we’ve gone on. You’re a great laugher. You’re also beautiful and fun and smart. It’s a mystery to me why you don’t get asked out on dates all the time.

But it’s also true, I think, that we shouldn’t keep seeing each other, if we’re not both sure that there’s a chance we’ll end up together in the long run. And, for whatever ineffable reason, I feel that we’re not destined to end up together in the long run.

I’m sorry to say this in a facebook message, but I do like to express myself in writing, and also, as I said, my phone is on the fritz.

I’ll understand if you think I’m an asshole. But I’d like it if someday we’d find ourselves hanging out together somewhere, and we’re cool with each other. Because I like you.

–ComicPoet

My response later that night:

ComicPoet,

Thanks for getting back to me. I’ve had similar screen problems in the past. Aggravating to say the least.

Second, while a facebook note might not be society’s standard for communications regarding a relationship (or whatever you want to call it), beings that we had usually communicated through texting – it is perfectly fine. After I finished reading your message, I did feel a sinking feeling in my stomach, however it was also paired with thankfulness that you were direct and didn’t drag out something you felt was not to be.

I have greatly enjoyed our times together as well. I find you insightful, kind, challenging, and a great thinker. You have risen above some crummy life circumstances and continue to hold to your Christian faith amidst those that disagree with you. I have nothing but respect for who you are.

Thank you for the compliments. Again, I appreciate your directness in ceasing our time together if there is not a foreseeable future for us. You are obviously the wiser. I hope, too, that there are occasions where we can hang out.

TRoS

While my first instinct was disappointment, my second thought was, “Wow! This is what it’s like for a guy to treat me with respect when it comes to ending things.” Most of my past experiences would be filed under “Don’t Do/Say This…” For example, the guy who accidentally sent me an obscene text meant for someone else. The guy who said he didn’t feel any romantic feelings towards me. The long list of those who just didn’t contact me or weren’t direct. And then the guys who didn’t get that we were not melding/getting along and therefore, I was left to do the fumbling for words while they were appalled that things weren’t going well.

So, fellas, take notes! Don’t drag out what you feel is inevitably not going to work. Say it with sincerity. Compliment her. Be honest and true to yourself.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: (Un)Common Courtesy | Orthogals

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