On Again, Off Again

In the flurry of nursing school, I failed to wrap up the summer online dating stories – not that there are many left. Based on my past few posts and that no excitement exudes from this writing, I think you already know the result.

I’ve been out of the loop so much regarding my online communicating that I completely forgot to delete one profile until I got an email 2 months after not visiting the site. Out of sight/site, out of mind apparently.

This time around, I chose two sites that I had never utilized before. One was specifically geared towards Orthodox Christians. My synopsis: do not waste your time. After this website and my two-part review of Heaven Help the Single Christian, I have become thoroughly convinced that Orthodox Christians do Liturgy and the Liturgical cycle very well. Yet, efforts to make Secular and Evangelical things “Ortho-friendly” are rather mediocre. Orthodox Online Dating has a horrible search function (takes for-ev-er to enter information then hard to get back to the results once you clicked a profile) and it’s trying to be a replacement for Orthodox Circle (if you don’t know what this is, you must have blinked) – which was bad to begin with. Thus, you’re taking two mediocre/badly organized things and melding them into one bigger mediocre/badly organized thing.

From the Ortho-world, I sent and received a few emails, but no significant communication from people I would want in my life permanently. Oh well. I guess it’s better to network the Matushkas and Presbyteras in my favor.

In case you’re wondering how I described myself, I provide the following:

The past 10 years have been full of change and growth for me: new career (from music teacher to nurse), new state (Kansas to Indiana) and new faith (Evangelical Christian to Orthodox Christianity). Yes, I’m a “pesky convert.” Anyway, I’ve grown a lot personally and spiritually since college and am looking for someone who will appreciate the personal work I’ve done. Other interests and activities: chanting, cooking, baking, entertaining/hospitality, blogging/journaling, times with friends, anything on BBC (i.e. Sherlock), and in the coming months I will LOVE to read my nursing textbooks… 😛

I have a strong desire to love people through hospitality and taking care of their physical needs in order that their emotional needs can then be met. This is part of the reason behind my career shift. It leaves plenty to talk about in my life along with never allowing it to be “boring.”

Also, when it came time to describe “the person I would like to meet”:

Points for: being pious/serious about his Orthdox faith, enjoys sharing hospitality, being clear with your intentions, being 5’10” (or taller) OR getting over your fear of me being taller than you. I’m 5’10” w/o heels….it’s a bit hard in Ortho-world to find guys taller than me.

Points off for: being a bad communicator, not having a direction or sense of direction for your life, and wanting a reptile for a pet.

Stay tuned for the next story…it’s a good one.

Passion and Purity

I mentioned this oldie-but-goodie previously. My fall break was spent Iowa being Auntie and having lots of playtime with preschoolers. We didn’t exactly master the maze, but they let me take a picture anyway:

I had no idea that a quick glance through my sister’s bookshelf would lead me to the words I desperately needed to hear at this point in my life.

If you’re Protestant, you have probably heard of Elisabeth Elliot; if you’re not familiar with her or her story, look here. Her first husband, Jim Elliot, was one of five American missionaries killed by the Auca Indians of Ecuador in 1956; the account was later told through the movie The End of the Spear in 2006. Among other books in theology and the stories of her mission work after her husband’s death, she published Passion and Purity in the early 80s, which became the gold standard of relationship advice by the time I was a teenager in the 1990s.

I skipped out on reading P&P, for reasons unknown, but read other books on courtship and what to do while waiting for marriage. I only became frustrated with each book I read and never liked the answers each author proposed.

With the niecephews asleep and little conversations among the adults, I skimmed the bookshelves and pulled out P&P. I rarely read introductions to books but this time I did. What first captivated me was the brief outline of her friendship, courtship, and marriage to Jim. 5 years – FIVE!!! YEARS! – between the time that Jim first announced his love for Elisabeth and when they married. He wasn’t even certain whether or not he was called to marriage when he confessed his feelings! The second aspect of her writing that made me realize I needed the wisdom of her journey was her honesty: the loneliness, impatience, the questions, the thoughts, the struggle, the silence.

It shocked and relieved me how verbally open both of them were with their mutual attraction. Yet, it made sense. If neither of them had to skirt around the “Does he/she like me?”, they could get on with the real questions of “What are my gifts and how am I to use them? Is marriage in God’s plan for me? Will our paths coincide for ministry?”

Where I was emotionally and spiritually in my teens and early 20s, I don’t think Passion and Purity would have been a good book for me to read. Had I read it then, I envision my thought pattern being something like the following:

Well, Elisabeth Elliot devoted herself to Christ and got what she wanted: marriage. Sure, it ended sadly with Jim’s martyrdom, but she at least got married and had a kid. Now she’s famous. So really, I just need to pressure and guilt myself into having a great relationship with Christ so life can go my way. Eventually, a nice guy will see what an awesome Christian I am and will prove himself worthy of my attention.

Yes, I like to think that I’m constantly on a pedestal.

Thankfully, I read P&P now after a few bad relationships and multiple confusing situations. Here are the better thoughts:

It was a hard 5 years. But her first commitment was to Christ, yet even in the face of all that happened, she didn’t manipulate circumstances to be near Jim, distract him, nor deny her own calling for ministry to “make things happen”. She was honest with her circumstances and sinfulness. She had to give everything to Christ, sometimes minute by minute.

I agreed with most everything that Elisabeth and Jim shared (she printed several of his letters), except for one view of marriage. Their reticence towards marriage was expressed through a “if you’re married, you can’t be as committed to Christ.” Granted, Orthodoxy acknowledges that marriage can divide one’s attention, yet marriage is part of salvation rather than distracting from it.

Without divulging too many details for my complicated life and why I needed Mrs. Elliot’s words of wisdom, here’s the short story:

This past summer, an acquaintance and I crossed paths during his cross-country travels. It became apparent during this visit that the chemistry both of us felt during our previous meetings needed to be addressed. Being able to hear his opinions and say what I felt was a relief for me – to finally have things out in the open where they could be discussed without the other going “Huh?” Yet, the timing couldn’t have been worse: we live half a continent apart and both of us have 2 years of schooling left.

The words, “I don’t do long-distance” at first were a let-down. A week later, they felt like a ton of bricks. It’s a tough place to be and one that will drive me to further prayer and conversations, though honestly, it’s driven me more to some tears and cries of, “Seriously, God!!! Ugh!” I am not approaching this as having a “back-up” in place if no one else comes along, nor is that how I’m encouraging him to feel. Honestly, who wants to be told, “Well, nothing else is working, so you’ll do.” I still struggle with how to handle any subsequent visits we’ve had –having a clear calling does not make me immune to hormones or free from distractions.

And while my situation has distinct differences from the Elliot’s, I needed to hear of her experience. I don’t have a man who has expressed his love and affection for me solely. But I have an opportunity to pray, to follow my calling through nursing school, to not manipulate circumstances, and to make certain my commitment is to Christ. I am guaranteed nothing with this or any other relationship opportunity. And unless my life and faith is based on Christ and practiced in the Church, I can not face the trials to come, single or married.

The above picture is titled: It’s MY Blog, it’s my picture, I can insert it randomly in posts if I want!!!

Fall Break

TRS spent her fall break in the Ice Cream Capitol of the World. So much fun with the niecephews!

After they went to bed, there was about a half hour spent checking email, Facebook, and other random stuff. I looked through the bookshelf in the guest room for some light reading and found this:

In all my years as a good, church-going girl, I never read the gold standard of dating. I read Quest for Love, Lady in Waiting, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye, but somehow this one passed me by. Maybe I thought I got all the wisdom in the other books. Or maybe since I read other things about the Elliots, I thought I knew what she would say.

What I didn’t realize is how applicable her words and wisdom would be to me. I devoured the book – in less than 4 hours.

Review and more thoughts later. I have to get my homework done.

Test Drive

**Disclaimer: None of the below is PG-13 or R-rated in my opinion. However, if you happen to get queasy around topics regarding virginity, purity, sex, and others’ opinions, read at your own risk.**

Grab your cup of coffee. We should chat.

The Ray of Sunshine Opines

My Next 30 Years

I’m still debriefing from my birthday.

I had to look up Randy Stonehill on my birthday. I get what his song is saying, but I can’t relate one bit. I did, however, find out that he’ll be playing in Indianapolis right after I move there. I might need to satiate my CCM fixation for the year.

Then I thought about the Tim McGraw song “My next 30 years.”

I remembered the post on Things to do in your 20s. I don’t think I ever intended to do everything on the list, beings as some of it is humor from the authors, however, I was drawn to the intent: live a life where you can tell stories and convey meaning and depth.

But since I do appreciate crossing items off a list, here’s my update on those suggestions, and some adjustments, etc. How Productive were my 20s?

Coming soon…

So, I’ve been bothered by this “lack of focus” thing that I have going on here. I don’t want my vision to be so narrow that I can’t write about the ups and downs of current life, but not so broad that this site becomes yet another way to tell people “buzz off and read my blog.”

But, I remembered a few things last night: I was going to do some book reviews! Because I can read!! Yay!

So, while not ready yet, be looking for my slant on:

Heaven Help the Single Christian by Thomas Rutherford. I read this in the spring. No permanent damage or benefit was sustained.

Revelations of a Single Woman by Connally Gilliam. For my 27th birthday, my mom bought my 3 months of online dating. For my 29th, she got me this book. Still in the first half, but enjoying it…so far.

And if I’m brave:

That’s all for now. See ya soon!

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